


dream a little dream

by Cloud_Lightning, Vallern



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 04:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20221783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloud_Lightning/pseuds/Cloud_Lightning, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vallern/pseuds/Vallern
Summary: She was supposed to meet with her new editor instead of sleeping in public space.





	dream a little dream

**Author's Note:**

> i would like to thank zoe white for the amazing and beautiful cinematography especially that shoot of serena sleeping and waking up with all of those sunlight, ugh my bi heart cant take it. also watch me and vallern creating as many as possible an au where june become serena's editor
> 
> AND ITS ONLY ONE EPISODE LEFT I AM NOT OKAY

Serena sighed moodily when she saw the gray clouds outside. She was supposed to be meeting with her new editor, who was running very late. She said she was stuck in traffic. Well, maybe if she came one hour earlier like Serena did she wouldn't be, but Serena found that she didn’t have any power to argue, so she just said she’ll be waiting. She didn’t have any energy to do anything nowadays since the divorce drained a lot from her. Her time, money, energy, and perhaps even sanity.

At least the waiting room in this building was comfortable. It was an open room concept, with lots of windows and a little garden in the middle of it. The sunlight from the glass ceiling lured her into stepping deeper into the waiting room. Despite the cold from outside, the room was warm thanks to the heater, and perhaps from a little warmth left from the sun peeking out from the cloudy sky.

Her phone vibrated again; it must be another text from Naomi or her mother, or maybe both.

She thought Olivia would at least texted her, but maybe she was never her friend in the first place. They knew each other through Fred since he was George’s friend, so of course, Olivia would pick his side. She was barely a friendly acquaintance at best, and Serena was never adept enough to progress from that state with most people. Sure, she can be charming and genial if she wanted to, but she found that it was tiring to turn that mode on when she wasn’t working, so she was content with a handful of friends and a large number of acquaintances.

Maybe Fred was right, she was too much and too intense to deal with. Everything was always about her and her alone. _In any kind of relationship_, he said. He pointed it out how every time she talked about her “friends”, it was just ended up circling back to her problems like she itched to talk about it but had some decency enough to disguise it as other people's pain at first. She couldn’t even talk about how Olivia’s son kept her awake for two days because he was teething without going on and on about how Olivia was ungrateful for God’s gift and she wished she was in Olivia’s place. Fred coldly told her that she always found a way to make someone’s misery as her own.

_You’re always the victim, aren’t you, Serena? You're the only person with problems in the world._

He was tired of dealing with her. Tired of accommodating her needs, wants, and desires. He tried and tried but he was never enough, especially when he couldn’t give the one thing she craved the most: children. He was infertile, according to the various tests they went to, and she guessed Fred took it as a blow to his ego and pride. The last straw that broke the back of their long-strained marriage.

When Fred said that maybe they should get a divorce so that she could find someone that could give her what she wanted, Serena thought Fred was joking. But then she saw the look in his eyes, exhausted and defeated, and she realized that he was serious.

She used to write characters that get their hearts broken, whether it was because of their actions or other people let them down, but she never experienced it herself, not really. Except for the time when she saw her father’s casket being lowered to the dirt, that is. She almost fainted a few times, if it wasn't for her mother clenching Serena’s shoulder to keep her standing and not embarrassing her by making a scene in public. Other than that, she mostly got what she wanted, until now.

A child seemed so out of reach. IVF chipped away at her heart and pocket too many times and her toxic jealousy didn't let her to even consider the possibility of a surrogate mother. She knew she could’ve adopted, but she wanted to love her flesh and blood, the child that grew in her womb for nine months, encased with love and adoration and affection. She didn’t know whether she could love other people’s children or not, and she’d rather not find out by doing something irreversible. She could admit that, at the very least. She wasn’t that heartless.

When Fred left after saying they should get divorced, his lifeless eyes reminded her so much of her mother, walking away from her as she bawled like a child. She supposed it was only appropriate since apparently she sucked the lives from both of them and now it was their turn to do the same to her.

“Sorry, lady.” Someone bumped into her. Serena startled as the person walked away, realizing that she was standing in the way.

Right, she needed to wait for her editor, the one that still wasn’t there yet. Unbelievable.

There was an empty chair right next to the window warmed by the fading sunlight. She sat there while rubbing her face. The chair wasn’t even that comfortable, but the exhaustion took its toll and she was conked out in seconds.

* * *

She dreamed of a blonde woman holding a baby. They were standing in a meadow surrounded by bright light like it was a force field that kept them there.

At first, she thought it was her, but the hair was shorter, even shorter than she used to have during her rebellion phase (nose ring included). She tried to touch the baby, the woman, to do anything at all, but there was like an invisible wall between them.

She tried over and over again, pounding the wall with her knuckles until it was bleeding, but she didn’t feel any pain at all. As if she was moved by something, the woman walked away with the baby, and Serena once again tried to call out to the mysterious blonde.

“No, wait!”

As the woman started to walk away, Serena got a better view of her physique. A short blonde wearing an unsightly and tacky red dress with, oddly, a pair of brown boots like she was a fisherman, was walking away from her with the baby.

“Please, wait for me!”

The woman stopped. Serena tried to run, trying to catch up to the woman, but she couldn’t move an inch. Serena knew her feet were moving, but she was like moving in place. God, even her dreams were mocking her desire for a child. How pathetic.

The woman walked again, this time faster than before.

“No, please, I’m begging you!”

The baby cried loudly and the woman stopped again to calm the baby, shushing her tenderly and rocking her back and forth. She was such a good mother. Serena felt a stab of jealousy when she saw how easy it was for the woman to calm her down. She wondered if she could do that if one day she did manage to have a child.

“Please, talk to me!”

Serena didn’t understand why she was so desperate to talk to this woman. Or maybe she was desperate because of the baby?

The woman stopped rocking the baby as the baby finally calmed down.

“Oh, thank God.”

The woman glanced at her from her shoulder, but Serena couldn’t see her face because of the light from behind her. Serena felt her eyes watering from the glaring light, but she forced herself to keep her eyes open. She didn’t want to lose sight of the woman and the baby, not yet.

“Who are you?”

Serena barely saw her lips moving, saying something that she couldn’t hear.

“I can't hear you!”

The woman moved her lips again, a little bit longer than before, and after that, she was smiling. Serena noted the attractive curve of her lips and her heart fluttered at the sight. What a weird sensation to feel in a semi-lucid dream.

The woman kissed the top of the baby’s head and Serena felt a pang of sorrow. If only she could do that. If only she could have a baby of her own, to love, cherish, and raise. Her salvation.

“Please…”

The woman was smirking now, but then the baby gurgled and gone was the smirk. Her soft smile graced her attractive lips again and the woman was using her finger to play with the baby, who cooed at the sight of the woman’s index finger wiggling in front of her.

“Who are you?”

The woman stopped and her lips were moving. At long last, Serena could hear the woman’s words.

“_Say hi to Momma, baby_.”

* * *

Serena was jerked awake and she sadly was still in the waiting room of the publishing house instead of a meadow with the mother of her baby. The sky was no longer gray and she could smell the petrichor from the outside.

She felt her legs went numb from the weird position she was in. She didn’t even remember when she was falling asleep.

As she stretched her lithe limbs, she saw a woman standing in the doorway with her mouth hanging open, still dripping from the rain outside, so much that a small pool was formed on the carpet underneath her feet.

“Can I help you?” Serena asked brusquely. She wasn’t in the mood to be ogled by anyone, men or women. She knew she was attractive, but that doesn’t mean she enjoyed every attention thrown her way. Especially when she didn’t ask for it and/or she was in a bad mood, like now.

“Uh, hi. Are-are you Serena Joy?” The woman stuttered while pulling off her soggy coat, revealing an unsightly and tacky red dress with brown boots. Serena felt her heart skipped a beat.

“Yes.” Serena tightened her cardigan, suddenly feeling vulnerable and scared and hopeful. “And you are?”

“I’m June Osborne, your new editor.”

**Author's Note:**

> on a more serious not, we still looking for beta-reader. hmu on tumblr @nightwhite13 for and @vallern for vallern


End file.
